Sunday, 22 May 2011
France's spare Burkhas donated to hide identities of celebrities in possession of superinjunctions
In what is thought to be the first example of a legal 'mashup', France is to donate all their confiscated Burkhas to hide the identities of those UK celebs whose superinjunctions have gone ubera usque (legal term for tits up).
When asked if anyone was using the Burkhas which we found stacked up under a table in the Presidential palace, Sarkozy giggled and said 'No way man! You can 'ave them if you want like. Wicked.' But in French.
The Burkhas were fedexed with great rapidity, accuracy and at a reasonable charge, to the British High Courts where one senior silk was heard to mutter: 'This will fix those twatters.'
'Tweeters sir,' a junior colleague corrected.
'I know what I said,' he snarled back.
The Burkahs were graded for size and then sent off to the House of Commons' own personal dry cleaning service which, since the new austerity, is situated at the local Asda across the river.
The various celebrities who shall remain named by everyone as the ones who shall remain nameless, are said to be delighted with their new attire. Now they can go wherever they want and still have people look at them yet, without knowing who they are.
'Islam is great,' a footballer/newsreader/head of a bank said. 'It's like everyone is a celebrity. I was on the tube and I think more people looked at me than when I was just famous.'
The move has been so successful that sales of Burkhas are up a hundredfold. It is estimated that up to a million chubby wannabees have taken to dressing in full Islamic garb in the hope that members of the public will recognise them as 'generally famous,' and come to despise them as much as the specifically famous that the injunctions were originally issued in order to protect.
'It used to be that you were famous for being good at something. Then you were just famous for being famous. Now you can be famous if no one knows who you are. Which is great, cos my vizzog is like dead forgettable,' someone chubby swigging Mule glottalled at me along with much spit whose name and face I forget.
While the Burkahs have become this weeks new disposable fashion item, there is also a dark side to this whole affair.
'This whole thing has been so stressful I am thinking of going away on a long holiday.' The footballed/newsreader/head of a bank said. 'The only things I need to pack are my toothbrush, my I-phone and my Burkha.'
When asked where they were planning to go the anonymous celebrity said: 'France probably, we love it there. The people are so easy going. They leave you alone to just be who you wanna be.'
Posted by William Watkin at 01:26